m.g. hughes on the journey of self discovery
name | michelle
your current mantra | quickness is not the answer. great things take both time and patience.
on your must-read list | the vanishing half by britt bennett
song currently fueling your soul | nocturne op. 27 by frederic choplin
current inspiration | a podcast i’ve been really admiring lately is higher learning with van lathan and rachel lindsay
COMMUNITY CARE
what do sisterhood and black womanhood mean to you and how has it informed and shaped your mental wellness journey?
sisterhood reminds me that i’m not alone in my life experiences. black womanhood, to me, means community and togetherness as black women. because i am of mixed heritage (black/filipino) my second interpretation of black womanhood, and how black womanhood has shaped me personally, is that the definition will relate more to a continuous journey of self-discovery and cultural exploration.
you’ve been very open about your mental health journey, in what ways do you hope your story will resonate with other women?
i’ve become so open about my mental health struggles because the first therapist i ever visited made me feel as if i should have been ashamed to have suicidal thoughts. i am much better nowadays. since sharing my journey, i’ve realized how many other folks out there (and especially women) have dealt with similar hurdles yet never thought of addressing their pain so openly. i suppose that is my goal: to not only uplift others through my story but encourage my readers to become storytellers too.
SPIRITUAL CARE
in one of your poems, you talk about the seed of unlearning. what experience from your past affected the way you view mental wellness and spirituality? how did you learn to redefine that event?
back when i was in high school, i was bullied to the point where i started skipping more days of class. over time, both myself and my parents were called into the office. had i missed just a couple more days, they warned us that i would be held back one grade. i was incredibly depressed and insecure. i would even say that i was more sensitive back then and should have spoken up for myself. but looking back on it now, it was because of the bullying, and my parent’s decision to switch me to a charter school that allowed for online learning, that i rediscovered my passion for writing.
at the new school, i was so traumatized by my past experiences that i couldn’t bring myself to attend a class of just twelve/fifteen students (including myself). when i was offered the online option, i immediately took advantage of it. i studied at home, and in my free time, i found myself reading everything from f. scott fitzgerald to maya angelou.
time passed, and by my senior year, i switched my career choice of working in the veterinary industry to writing. when i think of the ‘’seed of unlearning’’, that’s what i mean by that: revisiting the experiences that ‘’hurt’’ us and choosing to side with the takeaway. what i experienced was a form of trauma. it left scars, and it took years of unlearning to get over the subconscious boundaries i created.
but at the end of the day, without all that happened to me, i probably wouldn’t even be writing. and once i first realized that, it also dawned on me that i wouldn’t have come up with the initial draft for my upcoming novel blue goes the wind. the earliest developments came to me back then, during my free time, which would have otherwise been spent in a traditional school setting. my creativity took off because i was now alone.
how has your faith shaped and pointed you toward a higher perspective when addressing the challenges you’ve faced with your mental health?
faith has taught me that the only help we have at the end of the day is ourselves. faith and prayer can work miracles, but we must be the ones to get off our butt and do the work.
PHYSICAL CARE
how has your definition of physical wellness evolved during this stage of your life?
nowadays, physical wellness has been a combination of implementing healthy boundaries and recognizing what my own worth and energy mean to me. i used to have trouble saying no to things i didn’t want to do. but it was after my experiences in high school that i stepped out of my shell. i became more and more comfortable with not only speaking up for myself but telling it as it is. had i not grown past my experiences, i think i would be much more stuck in the belief that what others think of me matters more than what i know of myself.
how do you make space for feeling good when so much is not good?
once i have the chance, i just tune out. i’ll turn off my phone for a couple of hours (if not half the day) when things get rough. long baths, journaling, poetry, and incense are also some favorites.
SELF-CARE
how do you respond when you hit an ebb in life and think, “i don’t know if i can do this?”
i’ll often think of what my grandmother would say. my grandmother was an educator. she raised me, and to this day, she remains one of my biggest inspirations. when she passed in 2017 (a little after i had started college), something sparked in me. since that time, i’ve had trouble letting myself give in to the “i can’t do this’’ thoughts because the moment i do, i recall everything she taught me. as she might’ve said, “you can’t spell impossible without possible.”
what does healing mean to you, and what myths have you had to overcome?
healing, to me, is the ability to self-nurture the most visible and invisible wounds. invisible, meaning subconscious. i once read this quote that said something like, “while most would hesitate to walk on a bad leg, even more of us are quick to walk with a heavy heart or mind.’’
that’s one myth i wish we could culturally break: that it’s only “normal’’ to work/live while immensely unsatisfied or depressed.
share a message from your future self to your present self.
as a cameroon proverb goes …“better a mistake at the beginning than at the end.’’
.
*this conversation is about the journey of self-discovery.
