joy on mental wellness
name | joy
describe your journey in 3 words | unforeseen, supported, tough
on your must-read list | not that bad by roxane gay and the fire next time by james baldwin
song currently fueling your soul | (to be) young, gifted, and black by aretha franklin and bridge over troubled water by roberta flack
current inspiration | my grandmother recently passed away, but she inspires me every moment of my day. another inspiration would have to be my loved ones, including friends! i’m automatically encouraged just thinking about them. i think i push myself just considering them as an inspiration in my life. last, i would say, although we have work to do, the community—the fight. i’m inspired that we won’t give up!
COMMUNITY CARE
what do sisterhood and black womanhood mean to you and how has it informed and shaped your mental wellness journey?
this question is so profound to me. black womanhood runs deep within my soul. i take it seriously. i feel that many times i have to fight for what that means because many look at the lighter tone of my skin and argue that it’s not “good enough” and that there has to be something else. what one may not understand is that being a black woman is one thing about me i love most. my grandparents and my parents always taught us what it meant to be not only a person of color but to be a black woman. now, sisterhood, i watched my grandmother and my mother and their bond with the women in their lives. i wanted that; they taught us that. so as i grew up, i cherished it. i cherish my sisterhoods like treasures. they are my gems. i have learned that you may move, things may go, but a sisterhood can last. it’s not just a saying. when you put both sisterhood and black womanhood together, they’re unstoppable. the two have shaped me into the fighter i am, the woman who won’t give up!
how has your cultural background influenced the way you take care of your mental health?
being a woman, i believe others automatically see you with some sort of disadvantage. you add black woman, and you’re stereotyped as strong or not enough; both have problematic labeling. yes, we are strong. however, when always seen as strong, you are forced to push yourself to no limits, especially as a black woman because there is this flip side of not being enough. that being said, i love art, and i love drawing and sketching. so i often think of myself as a portrait or drawing of some sort. i’m constantly drawing on this canvas, using beautiful colors and mixing them together. now and then i make mistakes that i don’t want to share with others because i thought i was good at this drawing thing, but they won’t erase. so i draw over them. things continue to happen to this picture, but i’ve been taught that giving up is not in my blood.
i remember my grandparents being vulnerable with me about the things they endured growing up and how they fought to provide the life they did for my mother, aunt, and uncles, and i gained strength. i think of growing up in the great city of miami, with predominantly black schools and my single mom making sure we had all we needed. growing up in a neighborhood built on community, love, and helping each other, i found more strength and continued because even when things got tough, we still moved on.
i’m still working on my portrait. i look back from the beginning, and on the many times i’ve had to color over some areas, but i always remember i wouldn’t have gotten this far if it weren’t for where i came from. i have had many down days, months, and an entire year at one point, but i believe my cultural background has been a huge influence in pulling me out of those dark places. the fact that i usually turn to thinking of my past and things like my community and the safety i found in my old neighborhood is an indicator of that.
depression is that ugly beast that feels like the toughest battle to fight at the moment. my portrait analogy is my truth because i deal with this more now than i ever thought i would. but no matter how many times i must recolor an area or reshade a space, i will complete this picture. i am enough. my cultural background helped shape me, and my mental health is important.
SPIRITUAL CARE
how did faith play a role in the season of life where you felt lost, and how were you able to live out that faith?
i believe i’m relearning what this means. i know i usually have this itching feeling. i can truly feel it within my soul. i know that naturally, i can be very spontaneous, but i believe God has me relax a bit and wait. the wait can mean different things and be for different amounts of time. i believe we know ourselves, and my voice to myself sounds very much like nike, “just do it!” when i’m truly seeking God’s voice in my life, i will stop and listen, and with a clearer mind and heart. i can feel it in my heart. it’s like the list of pros and cons becomes visible, and i feel it’s higher than me.
how would you like to see mental wellness addressed more within your faith community?
if i can be frank, i would like to see it mentioned, as in the word itself. it can feel as though within my faith-based community the two somehow do not mix, you cannot have both in the same space. so, to go back to my first sentence, i would like, no, i would love for the word “mental” to be a word that we’re not afraid to use just because we are in attendance at a place of faith. in fact, it has been specifically difficult to have faith in this community, to trust in mental wellness when those i should be able to turn to, this community, don’t even speak of mental wellness. i’d like first to hear the word, see programs of some sort, groups that can be formed, and i believe there blooms open dialogue for mental and spiritual care.
PHYSICAL CARE
how do you find a healthy balance of staying motivated and taking care of yourself?
i believe that motivation is the key to living in your purpose; it’s the keyword. but it is hard to understand the word “purpose.” i’m not sure i believe i have just one purpose. when we’re young, there’s so much pressure placed on us to become one specific thing, however, we can be many. for me, staying motivated is easiest when i’m busy because i feel more mentally stable. i found this may be because my mind is constantly moving and working. i had to find a healthy balance between pushing myself in all that i do and making sure i wasn’t overexerting myself by planning my time wisely—taking a recovery day during the week and not just the weekend. i use exercise not just as its name but also as a detoxing/head-clearing time. staying motivated should not only include “work,” but also things that i enjoy. that’s why i believe it is key because with these it would start to become natural, which is what i had to learn.
how do you make space for feeling good when so much is not good?
i believe making time for myself is the most important “challenge” i could ever commit to, as far as feeling good when things aren’t so good. i call this a challenge because when it seems life is constantly throwing pebbles at you, those pebbles turn to rocks, those rocks to stones, and then it becomes almost like a push to treat yourself with the love and care you deserve. that sounded so crazy to me when i realized although i didn’t know how to put one foot in front of the other some days, or why i was crying every 20 minutes, it was okay to find balance, to figure out ways to feel good and help myself. to make that space, i block off at least one day after work to do nothing except what i need to do to feed my soul that day. i chose three days to go to the gym (i started an all-sauna gym as a detox “hotworx” plug), and that was my way of keeping a healthy mind and wellness. now, i go to a big park, walk a few miles, and do some workouts.
SELF-CARE
how have you learned to find peace during seasons of uncertainty?
honestly, finding balance while dealing with everyday life is almost like performing a magic trick and the act going right. to me, it means working at it constantly, while also understanding there’s a chance things may not go as planned. everyday life is almost like a car, so imagine working on that every day so you can drive it. you have to remember what to do first, where to put what, how to get it started, and how to keep it going. that can be extremely overwhelming if i never worked at figuring out how to do that, so i find balance in thinking little thoughts like that. realizing that nothing in life will work unless i figure it out. life can get to me at times, grief and health specifically, but i have to take a step back if i need to. sometimes that means taking a small break at work (and working on that part of the car). sometimes that’s dealing with health things, so balancing doctor appointments (working on that part), but doing that while remembering i can’t hide, and trying not to be afraid of that.
how are you showing up for yourself when you feel the pain of racial wounds or generational trauma?
i am showing up for myself. racial wounds and generational trauma are both so deep. i can honestly say that i don’t feel like i always “show up” for myself in this department. i don’t think i always know how to do that. i can honestly say my reasoning for this is due to racial wounds, and because of this, my reaction becomes internal anger. although this is something i have to work on, and i am mentally working through it, i understand anger cannot be my answer because wounds and trauma can’t overcome me. for example, at work, i mustn’t be defeated, and i have to “show up” not only for myself but also for other black men and women to follow. we are just as capable of doing our jobs just like any other race. in my place of worship, i shouldn’t have to endure the same pains as i do outside, and i am worth the love god says i deserve; i can speak up and speak my truth even then.
communicating with my friends has been a saving grace in my life. it helps not to suppress it, but to have an open and healthy dialogue about racial wounds and generational trauma. many of us feel pain, whether our pain, pain from what is happening within our community, or pain from carrying each other’s burdens. my grandparents used to speak to us about their history of racism, and my mom did the same. being a lighter-skinned black woman, my mom was sometimes bullied for that, and that always brought on this fire within me. i don’t remember enduring this same pain until college, although i dealt with other things. i feel we are afraid, so showing up for myself means being with my community. i have disconnected from social media quite a bit, however; i am focusing more on what community means to me. what does seeing my nieces and nephews and friends’ children growing up mean to me and channeling my pain into that? protesting for those who have lost their lives and focusing on keeping the rest of us safe.
share a message from your future self to your present self.
dear self, remember when you were fighting so hard to get here? you made it. you had to go through so much, but you made it here, and you won't believe the amazing things that you are doing now. i am so proud of you. all of your friends are here, too, and you all have fought together. the things you went through prepared you for the beautiful things that were to come, and you're smiling. from self to self, we're joyful!
*this conversation is about mental health and wellness.
